Wonder

Most days I am ecstatic

In the embrace of a kind word

The seduction of a smile

The tease of a banter

The joy of a conversation

The thrill of a shared laugh

But sometimes like a thief

A doubt sneaks in

In a careless cold moment

I can’t help but wonder

What if they are just being nice

Being kind

Being tolerant

Or worse, pitying

And throwing morsels of themselves

At me

For me to pounce on

Like a hungry stray

What if they are

Just being charitable

Looking down as if at a beggar

A beggar drunk and lost

Tattered and broken

Broken and without soul

And they throw a penny of a word

As if their good deed of the day

I am the beggar in that moment

A moment of uncertainty

Insecurity

Not sure I know why

Or even want to know

Because knowing needs questioning

Questioning orders going back

Going back demands reliving

Reliving commands silence

And silence eludes me

Published by ElusiveSilence

Always wondering....

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