I wear masks

Too many to name

Some by choice

Others just came

By birth or family

Put on without consent

No one gave

An option to dissent

Each mask came

With a script of its own

It did not ask

It had to be worn

The longer I wore

The more they merged

Became a part of me

Harder to purge

And then came the markets

Of masks even more

So many choices

Hard to keep score

I picked out some others

Radiant and bright

Empowered by choice

It felt just right

I gathered quite a collection

As the journey went on

I am not sure what I look like

If the masks were all gone

I think there were times

I felt my face burn

Or maybe it was a mask

Taking its turn

There has been a mask

For each possible need

Name it and claim it

Perfect indeed

The needs of hunger

The mask of breadmaker

The needs of security

The mask of caretaker

The needs of the body

The mask of a mate

The needs of the mind

The mask of debate

The needs of belonging

The masks of a nation

The needs of a God

The mask of religion

The needs of giving

The mask of a healer

The needs of protecting

The mask of a mother

The needs of bonding

The mask of a confidante

The needs of tradition

The mask of the family plant

The needs of esteem

The mask of profession

The needs of respect

The mask of parental session

But now I face

A different kind of need

I search all over

With longing indeed

I wonder why

When all needs are met

Why now a search

As if the need to pay a debt

For the one mask to cover

My last need unseeded

My longing to be wanted

My need to be needed

I peel off my masks

Lay them down one by one

Look into the mirror

Need to know what has become

Of me underneath

The years of hiding

Come out come out

I hear a voice chiding

Face the needs

I still have left

No more masks

No more theft

I need to learn

To know who I am

I am enough

No more a sham

I need to know

I am good even broken

I am the silence

Of words unspoken

If I could choose the words

To say all I had to say

And write them all out

Before they fade away

I would write with fervor

So I do not miss out

All the frivolous details

Pouring my heart out

My words would probably fall

Over each other a bit

Trying to race each other

So each one shall be writ

Writing the words out

Would be baring the mind

The heart and the soul

Hoping the reader will be kind

Some words would be loud

Like the storm in me

Others just a whisper

Written ever so quietly

I could write and not be heard

Or heard but not seen

Or I could live in the space

That lives in between

The space between the words

Is where I truly belong

So the words can fade away

If I said something wrong

So I write my words in sand

And watch the waves wash ashore

Leaving silence behind

I shall then write some more

The fog is thick

The memories blurred

My heart remembers

How it stirred

My mind falters

Details forgotten

It is the heart that desires

To feel besotten

One more time

To reach out and hold

The lines long blurred

Yet the colors are bold

Like a raging fire

A tightening in the chest

Rising credcendo

Wild beating to a crest

Makes me wonder

Maybe I am mistaken

And completely wrong

In memories forsaken

How can absolute stillness

Stand right next to the storm

Feel completely free

Even when shackled and torn

Is it just my imagination

Or was there magic in the air

Did I make it all up

So beautiful and bare

And then just like that

As if by the shear will of my mind

You appear, looking out

As if trying to find

I stand frozen

As if bound by a million ties

I can’t help but stare

At the molten gold in your eyes

They speak volumes

In their quiet smile

I stand rooted

It has been a while

I stand shaken

Amazed how time can stand still

As if my thirst found its ocean

Wanting to get its fill

I back away slowly

Trying to disappear

Helpless and spellbound

Realizing my fear

I am so afraid

That if our eyes meet

Even for a moment,

Mine might speak

So I wish a wish

For your eyes stay in my sight

But let me stand

Outside the circle of your light

To turn my face up to the sky

And feel the rain with all its pain

To look a dark cloud in the eye

And to say – bring it on again

This is how it must feel

To be bleeding but not slain

To climb a mountain to the top

Look around and claim the view

To have blisters on the feet

And to say – oh I knew

This is how it must feel

To rise up and renew

To look deep into your eyes

And to know I’m not alone

To hear you call my name

Breathing life into a stone

This is how it must feel

To sit on a high throne

To be lost and then found again

To be able to come home

At your feet

I lay down my offerings

I lay down my body

And become your disciple

I lay down my mind

And become your friend

I lay down my heart

And become your lover

I lay down my soul

I become you

I am always talking

Words adorned or tattered

They say it is because I wasn’t heard

When it really mattered

But maybe just maybe

I talk so I can reach out

To anyone who might struggle

Feeling a little left out

Or I talk to just make sure

You know how I feel

Because I know it matters

It can be a big deal

If I long to be loved

Maybe You want it too

If I long to be acknowledged

Maybe You want it too

I talk so I can take away

The hesitation to share

Feel a little exposed

It is okay to care

So agreed that I am broken

Demented in a way

But indulge me just a little

And talk to me today

A lifetime of want

Of longing and need

Needing more

Naked greed

I stare at the flame

And see in its light

The dance of me

And my empty plight

But as I stare longer

A stillness descends

As if me and I

Making amends

The fire is complete

Burning bright

Beyond right or wrong

Fighting no fight

The fire is free

Cares not for an offering

Knows it will burn out

Yet no sad suffering

It burns intense

Yet does not take

I gaze upon it

and a wish I make

I wish for nothing

I want no desire

No want no need

Make me fire

Eyes wide open

Or closed

Mind wide awake

Or dreaming

I feel it in me

And around me

Your presence

I can be in a crowd

Or sitting by myself

I can be the jester in the court

Or the muse to myself

I feel it in my mind

I feel it in my heart

Your presence

We can be together

Or apart

I might see You

Or might not

I feel it woven in me

I feel it in my bones

Your presence

I might sometimes want more

Mistaken in my want

Sensing a need where there is none

Conjuring a lack where there is none

All I have to do

Is close my eyes

Breathe in

Pause

Smile

I feel it in its full glory

Like a waterfall on my mind

Your presence

I may see you as a star

Or the door left ajar

I may put you up high

On the pedestal of light

I may make you the wise one

There, when the rest are gone

I may see you as the fire

That will light up my pyre

I may see you as the breeze

That I can gently tease

In my mind you might roar

Or as the eagle you might soar

I might see you in the redwood

Or in everything that’s good

I may see you as the wine

Or the cup that holds mine

Or the hands that slowly pour

As I ask to keep no score

I may see you in perfection

Of the moon’s full reflection

But don’t let me tell you what I see

What I see is only me

Whereas you are so much more

Be you, be more

Take off the clothes

The hat, the shoes

Peel off the skin

The tissues, the nerves

Carve out the organs

The brain, the heart

And lay the bones bare

Free the soul

Let it speak for itself

Even if a whisper

It needs to speak

Just a little louder

Sit by it’s side

Just a little longer

Lean in

Just a little more

Listen