The door

When you lay me down to rest

Don’t put me in a dark casket

Lay me on a pile of wood

Light the flame and step far back

Let me burn down to the bone

Ashes left, as I go home

Don’t mark the spot or leave a stone

Let the grass grow, fed by my bone

Let wildflowers grow carelessly

Let there be room for just one more

Turn around and walk away

I will walk right next to you

What you burnt was never me

I am in the reflection you see

Don’t put me in an urn or box

Or hang me around your neck in locks

Know me in the pause of your breath

Feel me in the beat of your heart

I am not behind a door

I am you and then some more

Red

The sun sets over the ocean

Pours its fire into my wine cup

Red as blood and raging

Barely contained

Now it looks at me as if teasing

Daring me to defy

The urge to lift up to my lips

And drink and drown fast

As strong as the temptation

To reach oblivion quick

Just as strong a wish

To make the journey last

From the first drop to the last

Make each one count

The thrill of walking on the edge

Before taking the plunge into the abyss

So I look back at my cup

The challenge is so on

With a twinkle in my eye

Let’s start a slow dance

Let me hold you in my hands

Feel your fire against my skin

Let me slowly twirl you

See the sparkle in your eyes

As I lift you to my lips

Let me feel you close your eyes

In anticipation hold your breath

To match my own desire

The first drop is the kiss

And then the fire turns into flames

Until the last drop is the sigh

Of the ashes that remain

The sun has long gone home

And the air is very quiet

A gentle breeze takes pity

Carries me safely home

Lost

Do the petals of a cherry blossom

When the pageantry is done

Feel lost as they fall away

Without direction or home

Does the little urchin feel it

On the vast ocean floor

Carried by the currents

Not knowing which way to turn

The waves that keep coming

Wiping out my words

And going back

Must feel it real strong

For sure, the spark of fire

That leapt off the flame

Feels it, as it takes off

Into the dark unknown

I know I too feel lost at times

Round and round I go

Sometimes wanting to break off

And other times wanting to give in

But one means a free fall

And the other a collision course

Do I really want to find

A way that leads home

Or do I want to just wander

Maybe home I have none

So meet me at the corner

Of holding on and letting go

Bring me my cup of wine

And let it kiss me real slow

Then put your hands on my eyes

And turn me three around

And set me back into my whirling

Lost and happy drunk

You owe me nothing

I choose to kneel before You

I choose to say Your name

I choose to seek You in the crowd

You don’t have to do the same

I want to give of myself

To serve You and sit low

I want to be the seeker

You don’t have to though

I hope to be Your shadow

Connected but never one

I hope to be the blades of grass

That You always walk on

I want to keep You in my sight

From a far enough distance

I happily give you all that’s mine

And alone I can dance

It is with pride that I adore You

Your great stories I love to sing

But much as I adore You

You owe me not a thing

Uneasy

Speeding on the open road

Hugging sharp turns

The wind is in my hair

And an uneasiness burns

When did things change

When did I grow up

When it became easier

To hide than to show up

The nest has gone away

The bird has no home

It has wings to fly

But no desire to roam

An uneasy feeling settles

In the stomach’s pit

Wandering thoughts

Not worth one bit

A honking brings me back

Rude reality strikes

It is just a full bladder

Emotional baggage aside 🙂

Wonder

Most days I am ecstatic

In the embrace of a kind word

The seduction of a smile

The tease of a banter

The joy of a conversation

The thrill of a shared laugh

But sometimes like a thief

A doubt sneaks in

In a careless cold moment

I can’t help but wonder

What if they are just being nice

Being kind

Being tolerant

Or worse, pitying

And throwing morsels of themselves

At me

For me to pounce on

Like a hungry stray

What if they are

Just being charitable

Looking down as if at a beggar

A beggar drunk and lost

Tattered and broken

Broken and without soul

And they throw a penny of a word

As if their good deed of the day

I am the beggar in that moment

A moment of uncertainty

Insecurity

Not sure I know why

Or even want to know

Because knowing needs questioning

Questioning orders going back

Going back demands reliving

Reliving commands silence

And silence eludes me

So am I

Do you sometimes feel inadequate

Undeserving and unwanted

Do you stop and wonder why

Life as is, was granted

Do you build walls around you

And sit alone in shame

Wondering if you yourself

Are the very one to blame

Do you hold all your secrets

Close to your own heart

So no one really knows you

No one gets a start

Are you broken and defective

Wicked but also shy

A flawed jagged shard of glass

Well blessedly — so am I

So come, walk beside me

And grab your cup of wine

Let’s drink to The maker

Yours and mine

Let’s agree He slipped up

Or maybe planned it all

Let Him be amused

As we edge the waterfall

Just right

If I go to the great mountain

Climb just enough high

Find just the right spot

With just the right view

The perfect warm sun

With the perfect cool breeze

The fragrance of the lilies around me

As the air settles in a hush

Sit down just so

And close my eyes slowly

And take one deep breath

Hold it in just a second longer

That pause right there

Is enough

Except I can be there right now

On the side of the road

In the swirls of murky air

With the buzzing of humanity around

Cloudy dark skies

Sweltering heat

The air hangs heavy

I can still close my eyes

Take one deep breath

Hold it a moment longer

And then that pause

Is enough

I have arrived

Home again

Right now

You ask why I am quiet today

You praise I have become wise

For a moment I revel

In a moment of stoked pride

The irony struck me quickly

If I am wise

How easily I am lifted

By kind extravagant praise

And just as easily broken

By a gentle rebuke

So wisdom aside

Where is my voice

Ah — the sad truth

Like a punch

Hits me hard

It is no wisdom

But fear — that freezes my words

But why am I afraid

When I know you would never hurt me

Or make fun of my words

What am I afraid of

I see my fears dancing

Fear of saying something wrong

Fear of loss

Fear of decay

And I did not realize

In the fear of a future unknown

I lost the gift of now

Because right now

You are here

And I am okay

I never was anything

I will always be nothing

But right now

I am whole

So unafraid again

I speak

Words falling over each other

I have not found the silence of wisdom

I tear up the silence of fear

Happily I ramble on again

Silence eludes me

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