Despair

To wake up every morning

And dread the darkness

That first thought of loss

A sigh must confess

Hope

That there will come a dawn

When a smile will come fore

The thought of loss

Won’t be the first thought anymore

Too much to carry

I lay down my sword

I take off my armor

Of my own accord

Light and free

It is a joy to just be

But oh so vulnerable

And broken easily

And now I wonder

Hurt and amused

No one made me

I could have refused

I can not say

What really is worse

Is unarmored a blessing

Or is it a curse

The fire is raging

Your hand grows cold

I fold mine in plea

And lose the hold

It grows dark and frigid

Like the winter frost

The mid-summer’s sun

Knows why I feel lost

I look in the mirror

And you smile back at me

In the knowing that now

You are me, you are free

You held it when I was born

When I needed it to stand

You held it so I could walk

Made the simple seem so grand

You held it when I fell

Told me – bravely get back up

You held it when I was broken

Showed me how full was my cup

You held it in joy and in sorrow

Held it tight, with no demand

Like a promise made forever

Father, always hold my hand

To find some order in chaos

To make any sense of loss

To win the battle raging on

To carve a smile from a frown

To be drunk and yet alert

To be an idol while still dirt

To be a shadow and a pool

To be wise and still a fool

To arrive, while in pursuit

To be the emptiness of my flute

To be the music in the silence

And the pause in the dance

To be the ink and the quill

I am silent, I am still

Some planned

Most not

Some cherished

Some not

Some etched to memory

Some forgot

Some shared

Some not

Some for the world

Some within

Some with drums

Some without the din

Some with tears

Some with a grin

Some mark defeat

Some define a win

Take each one, as it is

Make what you want, of all of it

Each milestone, a place to pause

To savor your light, as you see fit

Sometimes joy leads

Other times sorrow

Sometimes pride leads

Other times shame

Sometimes spring leads

Other times fall

Sometimes love leads

Other times pain

Sometimes I lead

Other times you

Sometimes the path leads

Other times our friendship

Now

Right now

I am eternal

I am free

I am all that I wish to be

When I was not….I did not know

When I am gone….I will not know

But right now….

This moment…..this breath

I am immortal

I am free

I am everything, and nothing is me

Don’t call me an angel

The burden is heavy

Don’t give me wings

I can not carry

We are all on a quest

We all give and receive

There is just one synapse

You to me

My joy is abundant

My heart sings loud

We move together

Even when silence is loud

I stand tall beside you

No halo, no wings

Forever grateful

For the little things

Alone

On the other side

Of glass

Reconciling

Battles fought

Won and lost

Tired warrior

Armor on

Sword in hand

Limp

Alone

On the other side

Of life

Fight on

For the ashes

Left behind