No thank you

They say — sit with your child

Tell her you know it is afraid

You know it has been hurt

And is unable to hurt back

Sit with your child

And face your fears head on

Look them in the eye

To say you have moved on

But to do that, I expect

I will have to go far back

To a time I was the child

And live it all again

To feel the fear and hurt

And the anger and the pain

What if I get lost

And can’t find my way back

To be who I am today

And what if

Time stops

And I can not grow up

To wield my own sword

So no thank you

Not today

I won’t sit

I shall keep running

I shall keep doing

I shall keep burning

The child will have to wait

Who goes first

Do I worry more

About what you will endure

If I go first

Or do I fret

About all my regrets

If you go first

We don’t sit in the same boat

So definitely not going together

If I go first

You’ll be fine

We will meet again

On the other side

If you go first

I promise not to feel lost

It’s only a revolving door

And I can push through

Our demons

I don’t believe in strokes of luck

Or meetings, as if by chance

I don’t really believe in either

Everything is set in advance

It is rare one finds another

And forges a bond so strong

One can feel completely free

The other can do no wrong

One can watch the other smile

And want to smile along

One can safely bare a scar

And yet completely belong

One can share a dream or sorrow

Without the shame or regret

One can safely make mistakes

Knowing the other will forget

One can tell the other if it hurts

And be held until strong again

One can be a shield for the other

And yet there is no claim

One can safely talk of failings

And the other understands

One can ask for help no doubt

The other lends a hand

One can walk beside the other

Or one in front, the other behind

Whether standing near or far

Always together in mind

I don’t believe in chance or luck

To be naive, I don’t pretend

My demons play so well with yours

You must be an old friend

Is it raining there too

I step out in the rain

A pull as old as time

Tugging at my sleeve

Me going to Mine

I slowly raise my face

And look up to the skies

And let each raindrop kiss me

Let each one stop by

I am overcome by the joy

That your message has arrived

You wrote to me a letter

How You must have tried

I close my eyes and breathe in

Your fragrance in the air

Each drop is like a song

You sing with such flair

A smile on my face

I stand rooted to the ground

As each drop lingers on me

I can feel You all around

Tell me if you get my message

That I send back to You

Tell me if You hear me

Is it raining in heaven too?

Membership

One speaks

Another answers

Then another

Animated

High pitched

Back and forth

No silent contemplation

No sitting and watching

No Judging

Constant back and forth

Animated

Conversations

Of love

Of war

Of the plague

Of families

Of rain

Of summer

Of journeys

Heated discussions

Of the world

Of home

No quiet submissions

Easy gives

Half hearted nods

Only deep discussions

Back and forth

All loud and urgent

Never just one

As if a chapter meeting

At the crack of dawn

That has to decide

The fate of the universe

Right now

In the branches of the fig tree

Right outside my window

Now I wonder

Maybe I have been

With the wrong group of friends

I need this

How do I apply?

Become a member?

To join this wild conversation

Are wings a requirement?

Rivers of blood

I want to reach over

And gently soothe and rub

The shrunken convoluted ones

On your temple

To help them rest

Ease the throbbing

I want to reach over

And feel the pulsating one

In the hollow of your neck

A reminder

Of a full life

Roaring

Triumphant

I want to reach over

Feel the many hardened ones

In the crook of your arm

That you hide so well

With all your other scars

And gently feel your pain

To make yours less

I want to reach over

And caress the tiny one

On the inside of your wrist

The one that races when I kiss it

Gently

Slowly

Reminds me I am alive

I want to reach over

And rub the one wrapping your ankle

Tired but strong

I want to tell it to rest

Just for a little bit

Sit with me

And tell me all the places it has been

Your rivers of blood

They talk to me

Some whisper

Some roar

I am listening

Unafraid

Stepping out of my palace

There was cold and hunger

My first fears

The first breath while drowning

My first desire

And there started an incessant need

To be cared for

And the inevitable fear

Of being lost

Abandoned, forsaken

And then the seeking

To be with another

For fear of being alone

To be away

For the fear of empty home

To wear a hundred masks

For the fear of rejection

Today I sat with my Fear

And said I have grown up

I might be cold and hungry

But I can breathe on my own

I might not go places

But I can go within

I might not please everyone

But I have me with me

The earth The fire The wind

Have watched over me with love

They have raised me to be capable

Of caring for myself

I know I always was and will be

One, with everything I see

I do not need to go back

That is done

No one is pouring fire on my heart

Right now I am whole

Right now I am free

Right now I am

Unafraid

%d bloggers like this: