Stepping out of my palace

There was cold and hunger

My first fears

The first breath while drowning

My first desire

And there started an incessant need

To be cared for

And the inevitable fear

Of being lost

Abandoned, forsaken

And then the seeking

To be with another

For fear of being alone

To be away

For the fear of empty home

To wear a hundred masks

For the fear of rejection

Today I sat with my Fear

And said I have grown up

I might be cold and hungry

But I can breathe on my own

I might not go places

But I can go within

I might not please everyone

But I have me with me

The earth The fire The wind

Have watched over me with love

They have raised me to be capable

Of caring for myself

I know I always was and will be

One, with everything I see

I do not need to go back

That is done

No one is pouring fire on my heart

Right now I am whole

Right now I am free

Right now I am

Unafraid

A kind word

To make me want to try

A look of disdain

To bring out the worst

A hopeful glance

To make me want to give

A loud demand

To make me afraid

A gentle smile

To make me feel safe

A laugh

To make me warm

A question

To bring doubts rushing in

A mirror

To question what is

A look of mischief

To make me want to tease

A single ray of sunshine

To light up everything

A drop of rain

To make me want to look up

A heartbreak

To make me want to kneel

A moment of silence

To make me complete

And yet

Silence eludes me

I can see

I can hear

I see the candles lit

The flowers laid

The bowed heads

Dresses white as marble

Dresses black as night

The look of hope in some eyes

In others, despair

But all asking

Wanting

Needing something

Or someone

I hear the prayers

The complaints

The confessions

The sermons

I can see

I can hear

Carved out of stone

I stand irresolute

I made you in My image

You made me in yours

I created perfection

Eternity

No limits

Gave you My kingdon

You made Me an idol

And then fell on your knees

Seeking redemption

I feel full

You may even say overflowing

I want to pour out

Spill over

Make room

So I do not forget

Emptiness

I bring rattles and planes

Clowns and dolls

Soldiers and trains

Stories

Acts

Face paint

I have laid it all out

In neat order

I sing and chant

Passers-by hurrying

Worrying

Rushed and with purpose

No time to stop

To sit and be amused

Families to tend

Gardens to water

No time for the peddler

I gather up my things

And my thoughts

In silence

Realize

Who am I to give to another

The complete will always have

The emptiness within

Let me try the next village

The next market

Maybe someone there needs

A rattle

Or a clown

To each that is strong

I ask with no shame

Give me just a little

Of the magic that makes you so

To the earth that bears everything

To listen but not judge

To the mountain that faces the blistery winds

To deal with defeat

But more importantly, victory

To the ocean that rages and yet is still

To sit unafraid in the midst of violence

To the lion that rules those bigger and stronger

A heart that does not bleed for those gone

To the clock that knows eternity

The meaning of the pause

To the fires of hell

The ability to be an inferno

And welcome everything offered

To the wings of the hummingbird

The tireless quest for nectar

To You

The ability to not cry at the sight of the

perfect raindrop

on the back of my hand

Stay

Just a little while longer

Don’t go yet

It has taken ages

For me to know

Me

For me to look up

You have set the sky on fire

Burn a little longer

Before night falls

Again

Before the shadows rise

Give me a chance

To catch just one spark

It will be enough

To light me up

So I can finally

Be aflame

And turn to ashes

Before night falls

Again

You are sweet and gentle

A believer

A saint and a hermit

A giver

Kind to a fault

So when you put your hopes in me

Hopes of love

Of forgiveness

And you wish for me to bring to you

The moon

That reflects the sun

And lights up your path

On long dark nights

When you long for me

To bring you

The comfort of a shoulder

I become that eye lash

That fell lovingly on your cheek

That you carefully held

And closed your eyes

And blew upon gently

With steadfast intent

And made a wish

With just a hint of a hopeful smile

I feel the weight that

That eyelash must carry

Wanting to search

And bring you

What you long for

But you quietly look at me

And tell me

That it is for you to wish

For me to be just a messenger

And for Another to grant

You make me feel light

Again

So let me be the one

You continue to wish upon

I will feel I am

Still looking

Through your eyes